Taking The Front Seat

Posted on Sat Jul 16th, 2011 @ 10:16pm by Captain Nathan Cowell MD

Mission: Too Close for Comfort...
Location: Commodore's Ready Room, Bridge, USS Arizona
Timeline: Shortly before the Arizona's return at Starbase 900.

Commodore Nathan Cowell, amid all the other things he had been engaged in during the course of the day, had to confront the fact that Lieutenant Harrington hadn't made it back. It left a hole in the roster, even if Harrington had only stepped aboard a short time ago, and while Nathan knew next to nothing about him it was a hole that he needed to fill as soon as he could. He'd already sent condolence letters to the man's family as well as a casualty report to Starfleet Command. All that was left was his conversation with the woman would would have been Assistant Chief had Harrington made it back...

Alexis approached the Commodore's office, not really knowing what to think. Though she'd heard a few things about the man through the rumor mill aboard the ship, Alexis wasn't sure what she could actually believe. But whatever his actual demeanor was like, she was far more concerned about his medical background... for what to her were obvious reasons. He was going to be her judge, jury, and executioner all wrapped into one, should he so desire. She knew that, and once he'd read her record, he would know as well. Alexis estimated she had a fifty-fifty chance of her Starfleet career ending right here and now.

Reaching the entrance, Alexis fought the urge to fiddle with her uniform and hair... as appearances weren't going to help her here. She activated the door chime and entered when instructed to do so.

"Come!" the loud and demanding voice of the old man behind the door called out, which instigated the immediate parting of the doors to his Ready Room. When the Helms-woman entered the office, she found herself face-to-face with a rather stern faced Commodore.

"Have a seat, Lieutenant," Nathan said, indicating the chair in front of his desk.

Alexis quickly moved forward and took a seat, holding her silence for the moment and trying not to seem too off-put by the Commodore's gruff demeanor. She tried to maintain a balance between appearing confident and dutiful, trying to avoid coming across as being easily intimidated.

"When did you get aboard, Lieutenant?" the old man started off in his blunt manner.

"Not long ago sir," Alexis began "I was beamed aboard just as the Arizona was departing space-dock to rendezvous with your away team."

"Then you probably weren't aware that we just got a Chief Flight Controller," the Commodore remarked, "Well, here's the deal... our former Chief was killed on the away mission in a runabout... I need to fill that gap before we really get involved in anything because I don't want people dwelling on it. Had enough death lately keeping the crew occupied, don't need more."

Alexis visibly swallowed. She'd always claimed to be the type of officer who possessed a 'can do' attitude, so naturally she didn't want to admit that technically she'd never worked in a flight control department before; starfighter ops had as many differences as it did similarities. The fact that her predecessor had gotten killed also gave Alexis considerable pause, but she wasn't oblivious to the fact that in Starfleet, people died. Part of her had died.

"I understand, sir, and I won't let you down." It was a cliche response, sure, but she meant it.

"Can't say that I expect you to, kid. But it's good to know you're gonna put in a good effort. If you need any help, get with Akron, he's been here since day one, knows the ship pretty good even if he hasn't got a drop of confidence. And the door is always closed, but the doorbell works, so feel free to press it if you need me. Speaking of needing, did you need anything or are you pretty much squared away?" the Commodore asked.

"Will do, sir." Alexis said succinctly, nodding. "I think I'm just about settled in sir... well, as much as one can be this far in." Alexis began to think that she might actually make it through this meeting unscathed. If he never looked into the details of her background, then this might shape up to be... well, something beyond her expectations.

"Oh good, then I guess there really isn't much else I need to go over. I will say, however, that I was more than a little curious to see how you were adjusting to that new body of yours. Can't say I know much about the accident other than what was in the medical report... Which, by the way, was a boring read. Your doctors either didn't know their ass from a hole in the ground or they just didn't have a damn clue about transitive gender identity disorders. Granted, your case is a little unique since you weren't born with both genders, you kind of got stuck with that new body. Which begs the question, how long did it take you before you could look at yourself in the mirror naked without feeling guilty and dirty for doing it? Never mind, don't answer that, you probably don't feel comfortable talking about your naughty bits to people right now anyway," Doc Cowell said suddenly.

Before the information really had time to settle, Nathan switched gears, "If you need someone to talk to about yourself, get with my daughter, Lieutenant Marion. She isn't confused about her sexuality, but she does have a good head on her shoulders and being a woman ain't half bad. Maybe she can help you thought some of the more awkward girl things you probably haven't gotten exposed to much yet. And hell, if you get that urge to have a bit of guy talk, stop back by, I've known a good share of them lesbians from my years back on Earth, won't bother me a bit to shoot the shit with you. Hell, we can make an evening out of it, just shootin' the shit. Might be good for you... therapeutic even. I think we have a shrink running around here somewhere if you want to go that route but I figured with your case being more medical than psychological, you might want to have a six hundred year old medical expert around just for the hell of it. Keep it in the back of your mind, kiddo."

Alexis' shoulders began to slump on their own as Cowell began to launch into the bitter truth of her existence. His comments about looking in the mirror hit her like a perfectly aimed shot to the heart, which cascaded into the type of containment breach that she'd been desperately trying to avoid for so long. I still can't look... Alexis thought ...not until I'm dressed. Cowell's comments about feeling guilty reminded her that not only had she been forced to take this body, she'd gone one step further and stolen Sylvari's identity, desperately seeking something established to hide behind.

It had taken a couple weeks, but now whatever effects testosterone had had on her mind had been drained away, and replaced with this strange new hormone... and she couldn't help but think, act, and react in different ways... ways that would have been unfathomable before. As Cowell continued on, now well-meaning in his efforts to provide people to turn to, Alexis fought a desperate, but losing battle against her feelings. Her core of emotions reached a critical level, and her once-vaunted containment field shattered.

Tears began to stream down Alexis' cheeks, and her face scrunched up in clear signs of sadness, guilt, and regret. "I'm.... sorry...." She whimpered pathetically, her head falling forward into her arms on Cowell's desk in an effort to hide her shame. She couldn't believe she was having an emotional breakdown barely a minute after being promoted to chief... what a start to her illustrious new career.

In an uncharacteristic move, Nathan rose from his chair and circled around his desk. Coming to stand next to the woman, his hand suddenly began to stroke her head gently. The Commodore didn't say a word, simply allowing her the time she needed to compose herself.

When her convulsions died down a bit, "See, you feel better now, right?"

"I don't know..." Alexis said, still sniffling as she straightened a bit. "How many if your senior officers have broke down crying in front of you before?" She wiped her tears away with her uniform sleeve, and the waterworks seemed to be slowing...

"On the Arizona... you're the first," Nathan chuckled, "In my lifetime... hundreds. Chin up, it's called being human."

Alexis continued to dry her eyes, though rubbing them with her sleeve had caused them to become somewhat red and irritated. It would be pretty noticeable that she's been crying. She wasn't so sure she believed what Cowell said, but she knew that he was trying to make her feel better. She should at least try to straighten herself out.

"I'll be okay, sir..." Alexis said, seemingly calming down. "Was there... anything else you wanted to talk about?" She dreaded asking the question, after what had just happened.

"Nah, I think we've done enough for one day. You just go out there and take charge of your department," Nathan said, clapping Alexis on the shoulder, "Give'em hell, Switch."

Alexis stood, taking a moment to wipe away the remnants of her tears. Having mostly composed herself, she was somewhat caught off guard by the Commodore's final off-hand comment. She was kind of at a loss on how to respond... she had never had a way with witticism, appropriate or otherwise, so she simply decided to take her leave before she had another breakdown.

What an ass... Alexis thought as she left the Cowell's ready room, really hoping that the guy wasn't part Betazoid.