Reflections

Posted on Tue May 17th, 2011 @ 4:46pm by

Personal log, Ensign Marcus Schenk. Stardate 63855.3..

It's been a long few days and I'm not even sure if the Stardate is correct or not at this point. Ever since I got onboard the Arizona at Deepspace 10, it's been one hectic day after another - some of the events happened on the same day, so I can't even be sure that's correct. The entire ship has been a mess since the Gavarian Corridor, but we've been under great pains to get her back to her full majestic glory.

Listen to me...I sound like an Engineer, when that's the one part of the ship that I haven't taken part in helping out. I don't think so at any rate. I know that I spent time in Medical with Cap..Commodore Cowell helping piece Lieutenant Lischka back together. That was...horrifying. To see someone so young, so vital..be so pale and lose so much blood. It was worse than when I saw Ensign Tadesco after the first assault by those dead Romulan bastards.

Death...I haven't really thought about it much, but being on a Deep Space Tactical Vessel has opened my eyes that it's all around me and more than a part of the job. We go in where others do not dare, and we do the job that was assigned to us. We aren't out to explore new civilizations and discover wonderful things. We go in to stomp someone flat, call them a bad monkey and send them on the way to whatever they believe in.

God...I'm the Acting Chief of Intelligence now, too. Imagine that...An Ensign in charge of a department. That tells me how badly hurt we really are. There were so many deaths and changes that people who barely had a clue about something have suddenly found themselves in charge of a department, or filling in on any slot that needs an able body.

Commodore Cowell has been under a tremendous degree of stress, but he still takes the time to make sure that people understand what needs to be done. Ever since I spoke to him on the Bridge with Lieutenant April, I've come to a deeper understanding of him. That's not to say that I fully understand him - that would take the centuries that he's already lived and twice that amount. I also suspect that if I fully understood him, that I wouldn't want to be in his shoes at all. The weight of the ship is on his shoulders, and that isn't an envious position.

I wrote a letter to Ensign Tadesco's family on Earth, but I feel that it isn't satisfactory. I knew her in Starfleet Academy and I'm ashamed to say that I didn't even know that she was on the Arizona when I transferred aboard. I wish I had gotten to know her better, to find out what inspired her, what made her cry, laugh, or want to sing. At this point, there isn't much that makes me want to laugh or sing, and there's no use crying over spilled blood. Revenge was taken. She wouldn't want anyone to continue to mourn her, but I can't help it when I think of how her parents must feel to know that their daughter was taken from them.

That's about all I have for now...perhaps I'll call it a night and hope that the dreams of blood and death cease haunting me.