Building a Foundation

Posted on Sun May 15th, 2011 @ 8:46am by Lieutenant JG Matthew April & Captain Nathan Cowell MD

Mission: Shore Leave 2; Picking Up the Pieces
Location: Commodore's Ready Room, Bridge, USS Arizona
Timeline: Following 'Restacking the Deck'

The doors of the turbolift opened and Matt stepped onto the bridge. He carried a PADD under his left arm. The bridge was in a somber mood, although most of the damage had been repaired the scars still lingered. Matt lowered his head slightly in reverence as he walked down the bridge to the Commodore's ready room. Matt rang the buzzer, he knew that the Commodore didn't want to be disturbed, but he wanted to know when the damage to the outer hull had been repaired. Conflicting orders gave Matt a head ache, he waited another a minute. The doors still did not open. He stepped over to the doors which opened at his approach. He stepped inside. The Commodore's head rested on his hands as he stared down at a spot on the carpet.

Nathan looked up, blinking for a moment before he realized what the noise had been. His somewhat neutral expression shifted to a frown as he leaned back in his chair, "Haven't you young people ever heard of knocking?" Granted, Nathan probably just hadn't heard it after he'd dozed off, but it wouldn't do to admit to the young officer that he just hadn't heard him.

Matt felt tense, standing in the Commodore's office was like standing in the Principle's office back in grade school. "I did sir," Matt said, "Sorry if I startled you." He took the PADD out from under his arm, "The report you requested, the damage to the outer hull has been completed. The Arizona is seaworthy again." He set the PADD down on the desk.

Nathan took the offered PADD and began looking it over before noticing the man still standing there, looking like an idiot, "Either hit the road or take a seat. You look like a nervous wreck..."

"That's because I am, sir," Matt said frankly, sitting down across from him, "No offense sir, but you don't look so good either." Matt didn't know if he was overstepping his boundaries but the Commodore had brought the subject up.

"No shit," Nathan grumbled sarcastically as he set the PADD down, "What's eating you up, son?"

"Everything sir," Matt said, he sighed, "And this will sound stupid, but I lost a person under my command a few days ago... The first man I ever lost under my command...." He shook his head.

"And not the last man or woman you will lose if you stick with this longer than a day. Since I started commanding starships, I've lost... shit..." Nathan frowned and sank back, "Computer, how many people have I lost while in command?"

The computer chirped and warbled for a minute before replying, "One thousand two hundred and seventy-three as of this date and time."

"There... I knew I'd hit the thousand mark but I couldn't recall the exact numbers. Point is, son, you have to learn to cope somehow. I used to drink... Got pretty sauced up on the regular. Didn't do me any good, didn't do my crews any favors, and it didn't help the pain go away. Now I read, or nap. I don't recommend napping on the job, I'm the only one with enough rank to get away with it. But you might want to find an outlet. Try reading, or even writing. I know one friend of mine, she paints. Pretty damn good at it too. But no matter what you do, make it something positive. Take it from an old man that's been there a time or two in the last six-hundred years," the Commodore explained with unusual warmth.

"I know sir..." Matt said, "I've been on and off the wagon for the last few years. I know I'm a little young, but there are some things that aren't mentioned on my service record. Some bar brawls and what not but there's something else..." He sighed, and looked at the Commodore. His face said, "Well get on with it.". "The year was 2370.. July 15th, one of those days that will live in infamy, do you know what I mean?"

"Been through a few of those, son," Nathan nodded.

"Well, it started like any other... I was on my way home from school with my mother, and..." He paused, "There was an accident sir... The shuttle lurched forward sending all of the passengers around the cabin. A few seconds later it impacted with the cement... I was trapped by my arm underneath a pile of rubble." He recalled it as though it were yesterday, "I saw my mother a few second later... She had a... An iron bar sticking out of her skull..." He sighed, it was one of those stories he rarely shared, it caused him too much pain...

Nathan nodded at that, "I see. And what you went through in the last few days brought back this memory, I take it."

Nathan watched the man's head bob a bit in acknowledgement before continuing, "Well, here's the bad news, kid. For the rest of your life, there will be events that take place around you that remind you of the past. People you know will most likely die in ways similar to the last person you knew who fell to an early death. Can't get around, can't run away from it, can't do much to stop it. That's the bad news."

Nathan rose from his chair and crossed the room to stand in front of the window that gazed out into the stars, "Here's the good news. For as long as you live, you're going to meet a great deal more people who might very well outlast you. You're going to make some great connections in this life and you're going to find yourself with ample happiness to balance out the sadness. The only catch to that is, you haven't to have your eyes, ears, and heart open to it. If you go around sulking, dwelling in the past, being consumed by the death and loss you've suffered, you're going to miss out."

The Commodore turned to regard the Operations Officer sitting in front of his desk, "There's no shame in remembering the dead, son. But take it from someone who's seen more death in six centuries than you'll ever be able to imagine... You do the fallen no service remembering how they died. Forget about it, and replace it with memories of how they lived. If you didn't know them, get to know them. Find their record, find their friends, do what you can to cling to the memories of who they were and not how they ended. This way, you're not forgetting them in any way, and you can still live on and experience life the way it was meant to be."

Matt was silent, he was thinking over the Commodore's words. They all made perfect sense. He suddenly thought of a quote that he knew the Commodore would know, "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died." he paused, "Rather we should thank God that such men lived." He looked up at the Commodore, "George S. Patton, 1945..." He looked straight into the Commodore's eyes, "I understand sir."

"Heh... yeah, I remember him. Nice guy, bit pig headed, but good at what he did. Anyway, try to incorporate that into your everyday life, might make life easier for you. Now," the Commodore said curtly, "Is there anything else?"

"No, sir." Matt said, "Is there anything else you want to say sir?" He hoped that maybe the Commodore would enlighten him on what he was feeling, but he knew that it was an improbable scenario.

Nathan knew when someone was going fishing, and while it might have been nice to just vent, he wasn't sure that he knew the man well enough to unload even a tenth of his burdens on to him. He toyed with the idea for a minute before he shook his head.

"You're about a hundred years too young to suffer through too many of my stories... at least today. Maybe I'll pull you side when we get to the Starbase and we'll swap a few over drinks," the Commodore said finally. It wasn't the answer the man was probable looking for most likely, but then again, Nathan was feeling a tad generous.

"Alright sir." Matt said, "Well, until then, we better make sure that our problems don't get the best of us." He stood up, and extended his hand to the Commodore.

Nathan nodded and shook the man's hand, "Sounds like a plan, son. Now get out there and get my ship back in order."